Krath Empire Forums

Thank you for your review, I have tried to remember to correct my tenses. I am, in fact, going to add some or most of this to my biography down the road, if you don't mind. I feel that this training is also the life training of Joris Howers character also. This story is finished with a 'cliff hanger' because I believe the next senario is going to be moderate combat. If so, I would definitley like to continue where we left off, but I will also take the other senario as well.

"No my friend, I'm retiring!" Skritt answered with a displeasing tone on his voice.

As Joris put his drink down, Skritt held the tankard of Rodian Ale in front of his mouth. "And sometimes... Drinking it fast just makes everything a bit shorter."

Skritt then downed the remainder of ale in a single sitting. He plonked the tankard on the table and gasped for air. "--aaah!"

"Especially my life if I keep doing that!" he said as he rose from his seat. "I can't tell you exactly where I'm going, please don't take it personal, Joris." He eyed the Thyferran briefly. "It's somewhere in the Outer Rim. It's peaceful, I've been there before a couple of times."

"This is probably the last time we meet. For real this time..."

Skritt reached for his belt, and took out a credit chip and a small datapad. He put it at the edge of the table, just outside Joris' immediate reach.

"That should cover it. Keep the pad somewhere safe, don't open it here," he said, and without waiting another moment Skritt turned around and left the bar.

After Skritt left, you reach for the credit chip and datapad. You safely store it away before minding your own business again, pondering Skritt's words.

The bar suddenly goes quiet and you ignore it. You've been staring at one of the Twi'lek dancers for a nice amount of time, flirting with your eyes and the like so it didn't seem that important to you. Within moments of silence you are suddenly spun around and two very strong hands are able to grab a hold of your throat.

The very large and angered Wookie begins to shake you in his grip. You know as well as he that within moments you would die. You hear some shouts of agreement from the cowardly supporters nearby. Things to the effect of "You get 'em!" and "Thatta boy!"

You are in a fix.

The over-powering grip of the hairy creature seems relentless. Joris flexed his muscle in his neck so the fierce foe from cutting off his airway. He thought he had to do something. Panic was not his style and that is not what he did. Grapsed to the fury arms he tried to pry himself from the strangle hold. When that seemed useless, he let go and his left hand fell to the bar and nugged the glass Skritt was drinking from. That's when his mind cleared from the rush of adreline and focus his attention against how he was going to take out his twice as large opponent. Joris reached for the glass and caught the handle of the mug.

'Crash!' The mug slammed against the wookie's head, shattering into many fragments. The hand immediately dropped him. The angry wookie was now even more enraged and brought himself out of the daze. Joris was kneeling on the floor catching his breath when he noticed the wookie's man stranglers approaching his neck again. This time he had the time to jump and drop a stool in front of the aggresser. Now, giving himself sometime, Joris got to his feet and dashed for the door.

Out of the cantina he sprinted, never looking behind until he was at a safe enough distance he figured would be safe. He could he the 'rawr' of the wookie as it ran out of the cantina. First looking right and then left, straight dead on Joris.

"Now way!" Joris mumbled to himself and took off down an alley. He knew the wookie was sprinting right behind him. He had to choose his next move wisely. There, the hanger bay down the next street.

Joris slammed the door and locked it. He did not know if the wookie saw him enter the large hanger bay. Turning around, Joris noticed a ship docked there. It was rather large, probably an Imperial shuttle of some sort. The onlyl light that shown in the hanger was from the roof port where the shuttle will depart out of. Against the wall were a rack of blaster rifles. Suddenly, he knew he was in the wrong place.

"How did you manage to escape my henchman?" a fimiliar voice cried out.

Joris squinted to make out who it was coming out of the dark office. His eyes widened when he realized it was none other than the double-crossing Skritt Zavv himself except he was not along. Two Imperial pilots followed closely behind him. One of the pilots was armed with a small blaster pistol. Again, Joris was not going to let himself panic. His hand brushed one of the rifles next to him on the rack and he knew what he was going to do.

"What do you think you're doing with those, eh?" I ask the pilot. "No one is taking me anywhere!" My hand wraps around the barrel of one of the blast rifles in the rack against the wall, and with all of my strenght I swing it across the closest pilot's face. Then bring it to my hip pointing at the armed pilot. When I squeeze the trigger all I hear is, 'Click.' No ammo!

The tense for dialogue is indeed first person perspective, present tense. Be aware that the narrative text surrounding the dialogues is not actually part of the dialogue itself, and should be in third person past tense.

"I demand you put your hands in the air" Joris said.
"[1st person present tense]" [3rd person past tense].

The pilot was unimpressed by the aggressive attitude of Joris, not even flinching one bit as he pulled the trigger.

The pilot is now dangerously close. If you don't do something quickly, you will be captured.

Now, for example, in this reply. Should I have put my actions in third person past tense also? i.e. ( Joris then threw the rifle at the pilot and grabbed the hand which was holding the blaster.)?

Of course no ammo. Why would Imperials keep loaded weapons lying around? They are smarter than that.

"Well, this is unfortunate, eh? Trapped, with no where to go and no ammo in my weapon," I said with a smirk. I'm tried to be cocky so he can either shoot me now or stall to think, giving me more time. "What makes you think you're safe now?

It's now or never and I better think of something quick! Here goes nothing.

At this moment I throw the rifle at the pilot and grab the hand which is hold the blaster, pinning it under my left arm. I take my left foot and slide it behind his and in one motion I put my shoulder into him while gliding my foot backwards. Hoping to knock him off balance and bring him to the ground.

Yes, you should have. Just like how I describe the pilot's actions in third person, you should describe your character's actions in third person. Like a spectator or narrator of a story. Only spoken words or thoughts should be first person.

Also, the pilot that is approaching you is the one holding stun cuffs. The pilot with the blaster is still standing next to Skritt.

The pilot ducked out of the way, avoiding the thrown rifle. This was enough distraction for Joris to get a hold of the stun cuffs. The pilot lost his footing with the floor as Joris slammed his shoulder into his opponent. The Imperial stumbled backwards a couple of steps and fell down.

A blaster bolt whizzed by, followed by another one hitting Joris solidly in the shoulder. There is no pain or burn marks. The blaster stuns you, overloading your nerve system and putting you into a near-catatonic state.

The pilot holding the blaster moved forward, but was halted by Skritt. "I'll take it from here, thanks. You two, prepare for departure."

The floored Imperial got up and dusted off his uniform. The two pilots boarded the JM5000.

Skritt slowly approached Joris, barking loudly. "You just had to follow me, didn't you!? Fool!"

He looked back at the ship, ensuring the pilots had boarded. He then leaned over to Joris' ear and whispered, "I'm a double agent, and you, my friend... you nearly blew my cover! I even gave you a datapad!" Skritt threw a look back at the ship once more. He looked very anxious.

"Now listen. The effects of the stun will wear off soon. Read my datapad. It is all explained in there. My wookie 'friend' will probably find you here soon. There is a speeder bike in the back. The keys are in it. Get out of here Joris. Get off this planet! It's not safe. This Imperial scum is everywhere..."

"This is the last you will see of me... Good luck old friend. And I am truly sorry it had to be this way."

Skritt strode off towards the small freighter. He nodded at Joris one last time as he walked up the boarding ramp.